Home to Stay
by Rose Stetson
Summary: After finding out about Sam's engagement, Jack decides to write down his feelings for Sam. But what he doesn't count on is her finding what he wrote.
1. The Song

**Home** **To** **Stay**

_A/N: Original Music and Lyrics are by Amy Gillies and Jeremy Lubbock. The song is sung by Josh Groban._

Little bit of a key: _Flashbacks,_ **_Song Lyrics (Original or Revised),_** The events happening right now.

Now, onto the story…

--

Jack sat sipping a beer as he listened to the radio. Samantha Carter was getting married. To Pete Shanahan. The cop.

He sighed. And now, he was sitting on his couch, drinking a beer, and listening to "The Delilah Show." Man, he was a wreck. He didn't even normally listen to the radio, and certainly not "Delilah," the sappiest radio show of the century, but somehow this was exactly what he needed to hear. Sorta…in some crazy version of reality, he needed to hear other people's love stories. There were some stories about break-ups, others about people physically separated from one another, though never closer emotionally, others who were happily married after years together, others who had just gotten together…

In some twisted way, it gave him hope. But in another, it validated his thought that he wasn't worthy of a good relationship. Sara. Charlie. Kynthia. Laira. Sam…

He took a sip of the cold drink. He hadn't been this pathetic since Daniel had stayed the night after the second Abydos mission.

Suddenly, over the radio, he heard that new singer's voice…Josh…something…

_**I know you're gone,  
I watched you leave.  
I always thought that it was me.  
You made it clear with that last kiss,  
You couldn't live a life  
With maybes and what ifs.**_

_She sighed and picked up the small velvet box, placing it in front of him._

"_Pete gave me this."_

_His heart sank, knowing what was probably in it. However, just to be on the safe side, he picked up and opened the box to find a solitaire diamond ring inside._

"_People normally wear these on their fingers." He said, trying to hide his own feelings._

"_I haven't said yes." She said, wincing at his remark. It was almost as if she expected him to say something else…beg or something…_

"_And yet – you haven't said no." He said, snapping the box shut._

"_I told him I needed to think about it." She said, watching his every move. There was something in her eye that he had never quite seen before. A level of uncertainty that she had never exhibited before._

"_And?" He asked, placing the box back on her desk._

"_That was two weeks ago."_

"_Ah!" So, she did have doubts. And…not just one or two…_

"_Y'know, all these years I've been concentrating on work – I just assumed that one day I would…"_

"_Have a life?"_

"_Yeah!"_

"_Yeah." He replied._

"_And now it comes down to it, I don't know. I mean, every time we go through the Gate, we risk not coming back. Is it fair to put somebody else through that?"_

"_Pete is a cop – I think he could handle it." After all, he's asking you to do the same thing, he thought to himself._

"_What about kids?" She asked, as if an epiphany had struck her._

"_What about 'em?"_

"_Do I take maternity leave and then come back? What, do I drop the baby off at daycare on my way to some unexplored planet on the edge of the Crab Nebula?"_

_He was starting to get tired of the excuses. If she didn't want to marry Pete, why was she coming to him? Why didn't she just say that she didn't want to marry Pete because she was in love with him?_

_Because it's not true…he replied to himself._

"_Carter, there are people on this base who have families."_

_There was a brief pause as she thought to herself. "What about you? If things had been different ..."_

_He looked at her for a moment, unsure of how to answer. There were still regulations. But…she had just asked him what he had wanted her to ask him…in much the same veiled manner that he was trying to respond to her in._

"_I wouldn't be here."_

He took another sip of the beer. So much for trying to forget…it was if the alcohol was conducive to his flashbacks. Not that the song was helping much…

_**When every boat has sailed away  
And every path is marked and paved,  
When every road has had its say  
Then, I'll be bringing you back home  
To stay.**_

_**I have the cards you sent to me  
You wrote of trains and Paris galleries.  
This spring you'll draw canals  
And frescoed walls.  
Look how far your dreaming's gone.**_

_**When every town looks just the same,  
When every choice gets hard to make  
When every map is put away,  
Then I'll be bringing you back home  
To stay.**_

_**And now, I know why you had to go alone.  
Isn't there a place between?**_

_She knocked on his open office door. "Come." He answered, his nose still stuck in the mounds of paperwork that lined his desk._

"_Is this a bad time, sir?"_

_He looked up. "No. Come on in."_

_She nodded. "Thank you, sir."_

"_What can I do for you?"_

_She took a deep breath. "I just wanted to tell you…I made my decision…"_

"_Really?" He asked, as he looked at her left hand. Sure enough, there was an added sparkle coming from her ring finger. He recognized the ring easily as he had memorized it. After all, his dreams at night consisted of her handing him the ring, almost in offering of what she might have been willing to give up just for the reassurance that he still felt the same for her._

_But that was just it…he didn't feel the same way about her at all…he loved her more now than he had as Jonah or when they were staring at that…zanex detector._

"_Congratulations. I hope you and Pete are happy together."_

_She took another deep breath, almost as if this was difficult for her to do. "Thank you. I'm sure we will be."_

_Her words came out in the form of a statement, but her body language informed him that she was indeed asking a question._

"_Yes, Colonel, I'm sure you will be."_

_**When every boat has sailed away,  
And every path is marked and paved,  
When every road has had its say,  
Then, I'll be bringing you back to home  
To stay.**_

"_Sam's getting married." Daniel said, just minutes after Sam had left his office._

"_I know. Good for her."_

"_Well, aren't you going to do something about it?"_

"_No, Daniel, I'm not. She deserves to be happy."_

"_But she's not…"_

"_Daniel, are you Sam?"_

"_No, of course not."_

_"Then howdo you know whether or not she's happy?"_

_"I just meant…haven't you been able to see? I mean, she was jittery for two weeks, and now…she's wearing a ring, but not a smile…this just doesn't add up…"_

"_Daniel, give it up, okay? Psychology just isn't your thing."_

"_And you're touchy, so I suspect she talked to you before she said yes…"_

"_DANIEL!" He barked._

_Daniel's eyebrows raised in understanding as he nodded. "Right…I was just on my way. SG-13's fabulous find…right."_

_The brown-haired archaeologist began to leave before he turned. "You know, she just wanted you to tell her your feelings for her…"_

"_OUT!"_

**_Reach out to me,  
Call out my name,  
And I will bring you back again  
Today. _**

There was a pen on the small table next to the couch that held a table lamp. He had a piece of paper somewhere around here, he thought, getting up from the couch and trying to search high and low the elusive paper. He finally picked up the receipt from one of his purchases a LONG time ago, and shrugged. He started to write. He would probably never send this to Sam, but…he needed to get it down somewhere anyway. He wasn't going to just loll around, aimlessly, waiting for her to dump Pete. After all, that day might never come.


	2. The Fallout

The phone rang, waking him from his deep slumber the next morning. He hadn't even bothered to get out of his clothes. "What?" He asked, sleepily.

"Sorry to bother you, Jack, but there's something I think you'll want to see."

"And what would that be?

"Turn on your TV.

He reached for the remote and turned on the television. On nearly every station, there was a press conference with Alec Colson, head of Colson Industries

"Thank you all for coming. As you all know, about five months ago our planet suffered a horrible tragedy. Over two thousand American servicemen and women were killed when a meteor shower disrupted global communications and hit a United States naval carrier group on maneuvers in the Pacific Ocean. I'm here today to challenge the facts of that incident as they've been conveyed to the general public. On the day in question, none of our satellites detected a meteor shower."

Jack closed his eyes in weariness. "Crap.

Then, just a few seconds after he turned off the TV and hung up the phone, Jack left. The old receipt, with his feelings for Sam written on the back of it was left on the couch

--

A few days later, they had successfully averted the crisis that had become inevitable with Alec Colson's threat to reveal everything that he knew about the Stargate Program. Of course, that had been due in no small part to Thor and Carter.

Jack sat at his desk in his office, typing the report that would inevitably go past General Hammond's desk at the Pentagon. Suddenly, a sharp rapping at the door made him look up. "Daniel?"

"Jack. We were wondering if we're still on for that team night tonight at your house."

"Yeah…I'll probably be leaving around seven-fifteen."

"Great. Oh, and…Sam's going to be able to come. Apparently Pete left for Denver last night."

He just nodded, his eyes returning to his report. "Great. I've got beer. You guys gonna bring something?"

"Don't we always?" Daniel asked, studying Jack with a bit of an amused smile. However, the amusement was to cover the sadness that he felt for both of his friends. He could tell that Sam was settling for what she could have because Jack as unavailable…and Jack was letting her settle because legally, he couldn't tell her not to do it.

"Yeah…just don't let Teal'c bring that eel sandwich thing he brought last time…"

Daniel grimaced. "You didn't even have to mention that…in fact, I wish you hadn't."

Jack shrugged. "Well, you didn't have to try it…"

"I was being polite…unlike the rest of you."

"Daniel, we were being pragmatic."

"Big word for you, isn't it, Jack?"

He ignored the smart-alecked comment. "Anyway, though it's hard for me to say this…I have to finish this report. General Hammond's expecting it."

"Sorry…have fun!"

"Thanks." He said, with all of the excitement of a child going to the dentist's to get some teeth pulled.

--

Sam arrived at the house at 1930 hours. She knocked on the door. "Sir? It's me! Carter!"

She opened the door, cautiously. Maybe he hadn't heard her. "General? I brought cake!"

Still there was no answer. She hesitated for a moment before walking into the house and placing the cake on the table. She walked into the living room and studied the pictures on the walls. There was a family photo: Jack, Sara and Charlie. She could see that Charlie would have grown up to be the spitting image of his father, had he been given the opportunity.

I wonder if our children would ever… She thought. Suddenly, her eyes widened. Commanding officer alert! Commanding officer alert!

She panicked at the train that her thought had taken, and she looked around for something…anything to distract her. She saw the engagement ring on her finger. She took a deep breath. Louder than commanding officer alert, she should have heard 'ENGAGED PERSON!' alerts. For herself…rather than him.

She sat on the leather couch and noticed a slip of paper sticking to her leg. She pulled it out from underneath her leg and read it. It was a receipt for beer (how had she known? ESP?). She went to place it on the coffee table when she realized that there was writing on the back of it. It was so little that she had to really strain to read it, but the effort made her experience all the more real.

_**We're still right here-  
In same command.  
I always thought you'd let me leave.  
You made it clear, when last we spoke,  
You couldn't live a life  
That disregarded rules.**_

_**When every ship has turned away,  
And every world is visited,  
When every team's come back to base,  
Then, I'll be bringing you back home  
To stay.**_

_**I know about that girl you saw  
When you were trapped onboard Prometheus.  
Each day you solve another mystery.  
Look how far your dreaming's gone.**_

_**When every tool looks just the same,  
When every choice gets hard to make,  
When every gun is put away,  
Then, I'll be bringing you back home  
To stay.**_

_**I think I know why you always turned away!  
Does it have to be that way?**_

_**When every ship has turned away,  
And every world is visited,  
When every team is back to base,  
Then, I'll be bringing you back home  
To stay.**_

_**Reach out to me,  
Call out my name,  
And I will take you in my arms  
Today.**_

She gasped as tears spontaneously ran down her cheeks. "Oh my…"

"Carter!"

She whirled around to find her commanding officer on the stairs. "Sir!" She said, her hands rigidly at her side as she tried to hide the receipt that she had found.

"You're early." He said, walking up to the kitchen.

"Yeah. I thought I'd bring the cake in…I let myself in…hope you didn't mind."

"No, you're fine. Just remembered that I'd drunk the rest of the Guiness a day or so ago…thought I'd stop by the store and pick some up." He noticed her nervous appearance as he looked over at her again. "You okay?"

"I'm fine." She said, plastering a smile onto her face. He loved her…she had rejected him, but…he loved her…Pete didn't write her songs…Jack…Jack wrote songs about her…to her…about her…Jack was so perfect. Funny, witty, charming…she wanted…Jack…

"You sure? You seem a little…distracted."

She nodded. "It's just been a long weekend. That's all."

"Okay…want a beer?"

"A beer would be great." She said, honestly, sitting back down on the couch and placing the receipt in her pocket as she did so.

"Great. 'Cuz we're going to tell Daniel that we drank it all and he can have juice…he's so…"

"Drunk?" She inserted.

"After the first one…yeah."

His unruly gray hair was cute, his goofy grin addicting, and his eyes…they were intoxicating. Meanwhile, his sense of humor was charming, his loyalty endearing, and his strength…it was enlivening.

"Earth to Carter!" He said, waving a beer in front of her face.

"Sorry, sir…"

"You wanna do this later? I mean, I can tell Daniel that this wasn't really a good night. I mean, you had to do a lot of work to cover up this whole Colson thing…"

"NO!" She said, with more strength than she thought she had the courage to do. "No, thanks. I'll just…I'll probably have to leave a little early. It was draining, but…I want to be here. I really do."

"Okay." He said, somewhat skeptically.

There was a knock on the door. "Hel-loo…" Daniel said, opening the door and entering.

"In here." Jack said, walking over to the door.

"Oh, are we interrupting something?" Daniel asked, seeing Sam and Jack standing in the living room.

"No, Danny…what'd you bring?"

"Chips and dip."

"And you, T?"

"I have brought fruit and vegetable trays."

"Nice. And you, Carter?"

"Cake."

"Sorry, guys…Carter's my favorite!" Jack said, a teasing grin on his face.

She blushed as Daniel retorted. "Always knew that, Jack. I'd be worried if she wasn't."

There was an awkward silence that ensued as Jack took the chips and dip from Daniel, placed it on Teal'c's veggie and fruit trays and walked up to the kitchen.

"Well, anyone bring a movie?"

"_Star Wars_." Teal'c answered affirmatively.

"Anyone ELSE bring a movie?"

"I brought _E.T_." Sam said, shrugging her shoulders.

"I have not yet seen this classis science fiction motion picture." Teal'c said, bowing to Sam's choice.

"Sci Fi, Carter?"

"Sorry, sir…I don't watch a lot of movies…I'm too busy doing it."

"Right."

"I brought _The Mummy_." Daniel offered.

Jack looked at Daniel and then at Sam. "_E.T._ it is."

--

By the end of the movie, they were in their usual positions, with Jack and Sam on the couch and Daniel and Teal'c on the floor. However, this time, unconsciously, Sam and Jack had cuddled close with Sam's arms around Jack's waist and Jack's hand playing with Sam's hair. None of them could necessarily remember how they'd gotten to their respective positions, but as soon as Jack realized his and Sam's proximity, he untangled his fingers from her strands of blond hair, forcing her to let go of him. "What?" She asked, almost sleepily.

"I'm…gonna go and…get some more cake."

He turned, and she watched him go for a little while. What was she supposed to do? She was engaged to another man, but…she loved this one, and she knew he loved her.

_**Reach out to me,  
Call out my name  
And I will take you in my arms…**_

"Jack."

He froze and turned, slowly. "Carter."

Daniel and Teal'c looked at one another, silently signaling to one another that it was time to go. "This was fun, but we're gonna have to go…it's late."

There was no answer from either Sam or Jack as they studied one another.

"Right then…we'll see you guys tomorrow." Daniel said, as the door closed.

"What'd you say?"

"Jack…I made a mistake."

"I believe that's 'sir' to you."

"No…it's not. Not after this." She said, pulling the receipt out of her pocket.

He grimaced, but still met her gaze.

"Why didn't you stop me?" She asked, unconsciously fidgeting with her engagement ring.

"Because you deserve the chance to be happy."

"And if I'm not?"

"You wouldn't do anything if it didn't make you happy. Not like this."

She blinked back tears of guilt. "I'm…I thought I was. Honestly, but…marriage…that's…that's a big step."

"Yes, it is."

"And…I guess I realized that if I had to wait two weeks…he's not exactly the one that I want or need to be around for the rest of my life."

Jack didn't verbally respond, but let his eyebrow raise in interest.

"And I couldn't say yes until I had my questions about you answered."

"Questions?"

"Whether or not your feelings have changed."

"And…"

"I thought they had."

She won another eyebrow raise.

"When I asked about you, I…I took a risk. Hoping that you would tell me how you felt, but…instead you said that you 'wouldn't be here'…what the hell was I supposed to think about that?"

"We were on the base, and under regulations." He responded to her somewhat sharp tone.

She looked down. "And we'll always be under regulations until we decide not to be."

"What about Pete?"

"He's not the one. And for me to continue this charade is not fair to him or to me."

"I see."

"Jack, if I've hurt you too badly…"

"Sam…what do you expect me to do? Retire…again?"

She shook her head. "Area 51 has been begging me to go and head up R&D for quite a while. As commander of the SGC, you wouldn't be my immediate superior, and therefore, regulations could be…bent."

"And if people start talking?"

"Dammit, Jack. Do you or don't you want to try to make this work?"

"I'm not the one who's been dragging her feet about the whole damn thing. I didn't want to leave any of our feelings in the friggin' isolation room after the za'tarc detector!"

"Then why the hell did you tell me that it was okay?"

"Those words never escaped my mouth…I asked if we were okay with this."

"And I WAS."

"Which is exactly why I didn't say anything!"

"Because you thought I didn't want you to?"

"Yes."

"Well, you were wrong."

"What?" He asked, confused.

"Every single time I gave a suggestion like that, it was so that you knew I would be okay with it. Not because that was what I wanted."

"How the hell was I supposed to know that?"

"I thought you and I knew each other well enough to do that."

"One thing: even after ten years of marriage to Sara, I still couldn't read her hints. So, just come right out and tell me what you want. Cuz I'm gonna assume that's what you do anyway."

"Well, we all know about assumptions…"

Jack walked angrily across the room and grabbed her shoulders. "You think I didn't want to take you in my arms? You think I didn't want to screw the regulations?"

"Why didn't you?" She whispered, her face only centimeters away from his, their breathing now ragged with passionate rage.

"Because I love and respect you too much." He replied, his voice husky and low.

She reached up and touched her lips to his. For a moment, they stayed there, allowing their inhibitions to control their actions. But soon afterward, restrained passion took over, and they reached for one another, as if they weren't able to live without the other. Suddenly, they were blind the regulations, and for a few hours, they lay in one another's arms with only the promise of tomorrow lingering in the air.


End file.
